How to Grow Friendships As An Adult

5 min read by Megan Rea

 

College Megan took for granted that friendship would always be this easy.

When dorm life is your norm and you live approximately 15 ft OR 1 bed away from 100 of your closest friends, the only thing required to “make plans,” is opening your door. And sometimes that wasn’t even necessary.

We never had to worry about how to, “make time,” for our friends. Build strong friendships? That was a given.

Our entire worlds revolved around each other’s schedules.  We ate together, studied together, cleaned together, prank called people together and had our obligatory once a week Target run, together.

Strong friendships came naturally because when you’re 1200 miles away from home, the people who start out as acquaintances become your family.

 

 

But then, I graduated and adulthood smacked me in the face.

 

I moved back home and started working full-time to save for my wedding. Now, instead of living next door to all my girlfriends, I lived next door to my parent’s bathroom.

That is so not the same thing.

As I took my place in the adult lane of life, working full-time and planning a wedding, I failed hard in the friendship department. I let my once close relationships fall by the wayside; keeping in touch only by way of this new fangled thing called, “e-mail.” It’ll never catch on.

My parents? They’re awesome. They’re gracious and they lovingly put up with me when I moved back home. But I do distinctly remember my mom placing my phone in my hand and begging telling me to call one of my friends… and call them right now.

Why? Because mom knew a secret:

I needed community.

We are better versions of ourselves when we’re in community with others.

College had 3 things working for it. 3 things that can be applied to starting or maintaining any friendship and they’re this.

 

     1. Proximity (you see each other more frequently when you live close)

     2. Consistency (you build strong friendship by continual investment)

     3. Shared Interest (automatically gives you something in common)

 

With those 3 things in mind, how can we make time to build stronger friendships as adults?

Here are 7 ideas:

 

1. Make The 1st Move

 

Whether it’s working up the courage to invite a new person out for coffee, joining a small group (#weLOVEourLifeGroup) or simply connecting with the friend you haven’t heard from in weeks, do yourself a favor and make the first move.  Don’t wait for them to initiate. Take the small brave step that is getting over yourself & put the invitation out there.

 

2. Put it on the Calendar

Raise your hand if your guilty of the, “we should get together soon” and then nothing comes of it conversation. Yes, my hand is raised too. We’ve all been there. And yes we’re all very busy people with full schedules. But like exercise, dentist appointments, and time with your spouse, if it’s a priority, you will make the time.  So grab your planner (this is mine!) and text your friend a few dates.

 

3. Multi-task

 

One of the reasons my college relationships came so easily? We did everything together! Grocery shopped, cleaned, dyed each others hair at midnight, whatever it was, it was done together.  Community is such a beautiful thing.  So what if we applied that concept to our lives right now.  Have to run to Target after work? Text a friend to peruse the aisles together.  Want to make fitness a priority? Schedule an after dinner walk or sign up for a class together.

Remember Chris’ workout routine? He had a season when 90% of his gym time was done with a friend.    Also, good news, many grocery stores now have Starbucks in them!  What if you and a friend grabbed a quick coffee before doing a grocery run?  Now you’re thinking like the multi-tasking ninja you are!

 

4. Create memorable moments

 

Two weeks before I moved for the 2nd time in 2017, this girl text me that she was scheduling a trip to Magnolia Market in October.  And also, I was coming. Best friends are so bossy sometimes. After I had given her every extremely legitimate reason why I couldn’t go, I went. Because sometimes friends know what you need more than you do. And you know what happened?  I made some of the best memories of the year with her on that trip. We did something new, in a new city, with new people. And I couldn’t believe how life-giving it was to my soul.

 

5. Give the benefit of the doubt

 

What if we just assumed the best of people? What if we just functioned from the assumption that our friends love us and want to see us?  What a gift it is to a friend when we assume the best of them!  If you haven’t heard from them in a while, don’t assume the worst or even assume it’s about you. Reach out and see tip #1

 

6. Don’t be needy

We don’t need to expound much here, do we? You know the type of friend you want? The type of deep, beautiful, life-giving, fun-loving relationship you crave?

Be that friend. It’s that simple.

 

 

 7. Make the most of the time you do have

 

Ecc 3 says, “to everything, there is a season.”  If I were to pigeonhole my current friendships into my college friendship model, I would be disappointed. We can’t spend every waking moment together anymore. Curse you adulthood! ;P

Life evolves constantly and we must evolve with it.  Don’t mourn the fact that your life doesn’t look the way it used to.  Celebrate the life you currently have and figure out how you can show up for each other now. In THIS season.

We never outgrow our need for strong friendships.  And I’ve told you before, this is one area that I have to work at.  But here’s what I know from personal experience: The more I prioritize friendship the better my entire life is!

[bctt tweet=”Don’t mourn the fact that your life doesn’t look the way it used to. Celebrate the life you currently have and figure out how you can show up for each other now. In THIS season. #nosmalllife” username=”NoSmallLife”]

What does maintaining strong friendships look like to you?  We’d LOVE to hear your ideas and tips!

Until next time,

Meg

BEFORE YOU GO…Wanna be friends?? 😀 We’ve got things to pass along to you every week! And we promise not to get spammy
SUBSCRIBE HERE

Pin me for later!