How to Give Your Best to the Ones that Matter Most

I’m a firm believer that the people closest to us should receive the best of us. And because you’re an amazing human, I’m sure you agree. But full candor, why is that concept so much easier in theory rather than practice? It’s easy to be charming and sincere to the Starbucks Barista you may never see again. Maintaining that same level of “love” and charm for the people that live in your house however, is a different challenge entirely.

I don’t like that.

It eats at me and makes me feel like screwy priorities can make our lives small in a hurry.  Over the years, we’ve seen marriages and relationships absolutely implode because the external pressures became stronger than substance at the core of the relationships. Projecting a perfect perception to other people became more important than investing into their reality.

It’s easy to get tangled in how we feel we’re perceived by strangers in our world.  It’s easy to maintain quip-y charisma all across the internet. And it’s way to easy to get preoccupied, sometimes completely unconsciously, in a world that doesn’t really know us and doesn’t have to capacity to love us back; a world that merely tells us how we can be better and pats us on the back for approximately 2 seconds when we do so.

With all my heart, I want to love people well. I want to reach people with the gospel. At the end of my days, I pray that it’s said of me, that I was a walking demonstration of the love of God. And that I effectively used the gifts that He gave me, what’s in my hand, to advance the gospel and bring change to the world around me.

But, something I’m reminded of lately is it’s got to be an inside job first.

When I was in Bible School, our University President quoted 1 verse every time he spoke. He preached on a variety of topics of course, but he always seemed to maneuver one verse into fitting in no matter what he was preaching on. One little verse. Every. Single. Time. And the verse?

Say it with me all you NCU alumni, Acts 1:8. “…you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” ( It stuck Dr. Anderson 😉 )

Essentially, Jesus’ final words here on earth to His disciples were that the gospel, needed to advance from the inside out; to be concentrated at home base and be dispensed out from there.

I’ve had a word picture rolling around in my mind that I just can’t shake. It’s a word picture of what’s called, “the ripple effect.” When you launch a stone into the water, the ripples are strongest at the source and then disperse out from there. The impact of that stone can and will be long, but the highest concentration of it’s impact is the ripple that is closest to the source.  In fact, most of the time, the larger that initial “ripple” the farther the reach of the impact of that stone.

Turn your eyes inward for a minute.  If you’re No Small Life is that stone, being plopped into place by a loving God, could it be that He wants the biggest recipients of the best of you to be the people closest to you?  Many times, we think our love and gifts and “calling” are only for the world around us. And while you’ve been made for far reaching impact, maybe…just MAYBE, your spouse, your littles, your people, should be the biggest benefactors of the best parts of you-your gifts, your talents, your love, and then let it ripple out from there.

Who knows, God in His sovereignty might have knit you into relationships with the people to whom your gifts will have the greatest impact. 😉

If your priorities have gotten tangled, let’s do a couple things. First, take a deep breath, and hear Chris & I say, “us too.” We’ve been there. I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on unless I’ve walked the road first, be it 20 steps or one.  So thankfully, we know what it takes to climb out of that place too.

There’s 4 actions we can all take today to help us get our priorities straightened back out again; to make sure  the people closest to us are getting the best of us.

 1. Stay in the present:

We rob our present moments when we mentally rehash the past or allow worry to pole vault us into an unknown future.  I’m a planner by nature and when that’s your bent, it’s so easy to let your brain live in future mode. There’s nothing wrong with planning, as long as you can shut your planner and live in the here and now.  Fight the FOMO that tells you that what’s happening “out there” is better that what’s happening “in here.”

Bring your thoughts and your whole self into your present moment. Do something that engages your 5 senses. Let yourself feel the reality of what’s happening now. Let the peace and grace available to you right now settle all the other voices down. And don’t allow the planning of tomorrow to rob you of the beauty of today.

2. Decide on your boundaries together:

Tell your people that you want to be more present when you’re with them; you want them to get the best parts of you. Then, decide on your boundaries together.  When will you plan to be together during the week with no distractions? Will cell phone’s be in another room at meal times? Will laptops be shut at a certain time? There’s no hard and fast rules here. Taylor make this to what works for your lives. And then…

 3. Write them down to keep them a priority:

Maybe it’s the visual learner in me, but if I’m going to remember something enough to stick to it, it’s got to be written down. Period. You can post it, frame it, stitch it on a pillow if you have to, just keep it in front of your eyes.  A visual reminder is always good accountability. Because at the end of your days, success isn’t just what you’ve accomplished.  It’s the person you’ve become and the individual lives you’ve impacted in the process.

 4. Make an action plan to use your gifts for your people:

You’re wired the way you are on purpose. The people that are in your life are there also on purpose. So with that little tid-bit, how can you use your gifts to impact them?  Brainstorm a bit and then literally put it in your to-do list. Again with the visual. Hey man, it’s how we remember all the things! 😉

Your life is like a stone friend; a stone that has the potential to have a massive impact and reach. But to steal a line from the word…and a TobyMac song, “I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.”  Let’s stay confident that God knew what he was doing when he wired the people into our lives that He did.  He believes in your impact and so do we. Don’t short change the people who love you the best and know you the most. You’ll never regret giving them the best of you first.

How can you use your gifts to impact your people this week?

Until next time,

Meg

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