At some point in your life you will experience some kind of emotional or physical pain. In those dark moments we all have a tendency to allow fear and pain to make our lives seem small and insignificant.
And that’s the exact reason we wrote this 3-part series. Your pain is real and it’s not just something you can “move on” from, but you can, beyond a shadow of a doubt, move forward. Check out the first two steps to move forward here & here.
This week guys, it’s the home stretch and we’re zeroing in on our 3rd and final step.
Step 3: Surround yourselves with a loving community
The easiest thing to do when you are in pain is to isolate yourself and become a victim. I remember Megan and I isolating ourselves and saying things like, “no one ‘gets it’.” “No one calls us to hang out.” “No one asks us how we’re doing.” “No one really cares .” Most of our close friends were having kids at the time and we felt that they probably only wanted to hang out with other people with kids. Assumptions are lethal you guys.
We developed a victim mentality and blamed everyone for not being there for us. But guess what?
The problem wasn’t everyone else, the problem was us. Don’t get me wrong, some people said some pretty weird things to us during this period.
(Side note: Christians really need to get better at helping people through pain. Honestly, we should be the best at it, but sometimes, we’re the worst.)
So we would use these weird comments as justification to isolate. People didn’t feel safe. We just felt like everyone wanted to “fix” us. And deeper into our depression we went.
After talking to our Christian Therapist, she helped us realize that we needed our friends. We began to make phone calls and make “community” a priority again. Even though I felt like isolating and staying home, I decided to reach out to some people. I set up a weekly lunch with one of my best friends. We’re free and safe to talk about everything and are there for each other through all the ups and downs.
Meg and I started inviting people to go out again on the weekends. We found that they did want to hang out with us. They missed us. It seems simple, but I can’t tell you how refreshed our souls felt because of this! We started to remember who we were again. And taking that step helped us recover our identity outside of just “infertility.”
Jesus himself had a group of 12 people that He did life with. Out of that 12, there were 3. 3 that He kept the closest. 3 that He let all the way into his life. They witnessed some tremendous spiritual highs with Jesus! There were miracles, celebrations, and I’m sure, countless meals by the fire. But He also let them in at His darkest hour.
The night Jesus was betrayed and arrested, He asked Peter, James and John to stay clos. Luke 22:44, says that He prayed more fervently, and He was in such agony of spirit that His sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood.
Jesus faced every bit of the weight, the emotional pain, stress and anxiety of what He was about to do. In that moment, He didn’t isolate or try and do it on His own. He reached out to his closest people in His time of need. And in His greatest trial, He taught us an invaluable lesson:
You are not a burden to the people who really love and care for you. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them.
We all need our people. The ones we can do life with and be real with. When we look back at our lives the most incredible moments we recall were spent with our closest friends surrounding us.
One of my favorite things to do this time of year is to sit around the camp fire with close friends and reminisce about the past. Most of the time we start laughing so hard we cry thinking about all of the dumb things we did when we were younger.
Meg and I have been blessed to do life with some pretty special people. People who always have our back. People who love us and care about us. People who were willing to go into battle and do youth ministry with us. People who followed my crazy visions and dreams even if they seemed ridiculous at the time. I love sitting around that camp fire reminiscing about all of the amazing things God has done in each of our lives. We have been so blessed to see God transform hearts and lives right in front of our faces. We have experienced powerful moves of God together.
These are things that you can’t do alone, these are things that you can only do together.
If you find yourself in pain, if you’re isolating yourself and throwing a pity party about how no one ever calls you or texts you, do something CRAZY and try reaching out to them. Chances are they don’t know how to act or be around you anymore. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Stop with the pity party, pull yourself out of that isolated depressing funk, pick up the phone and reach out to your people today.
Action Step:
Turn the Netflix off and call a friend today! I know, Stranger Things is “awesome” and you just can’t pull yourself away, but you know, watch it with them or something. 😉
Tell them that you need them in your life. Set up a time to go do something fun together.
We hope this 3-part blog series, “How to Move Forward When You are in Pain,” has sparked some healing in your heart. If you are in any kind of emotional pain right, now re-read this blog series and walk through the action steps. We know, through lots of personal experience, you’ll be glad you did!
Until next time,
Chris
Read more of our story here & here
Check out How to Move Forward When You’re in Pain 1 & How to Move Forward When You’re in Pain 2
This is really great advice! I have enjoyed this series immensely, and I know I will refer back to it whenever I need to remember what to do when I’m in pain! Thanks for sharing at the Grace + Lace Linkup!
That means the world to us Mackenzie, thank you!