How To Care For A Friend Going Through Pain

If I asked you, “Who in your life right now is going through a hard season,” who comes to mind?

 

The reality is we all know someone going through a painful situation. And the challenge as their friend is always this: “What can I do? I want to help, I just don’t know how.”

 

We’ve written posts on practical things to do when YOU’RE feeling overwhelmed, stressed or in a funk. But when the shoe is on the other foot, how can you show up and show love to your people?

 

 

Recently, Chris and I have found ourselves in a really difficult season. We’ve kept it pretty close to the cuff, but our inner circle has been posted and praying.

It turns out that soul care is actually a thing. And a combination of massive life changes, questioning your decisions, dealing with loss and an added a massive attack from the enemy, is truly hard. Who Knew ;p

 

 

All that to say, seeing the date click over to “December” had us high-fiving at the advent calendar. Congratulations Rea’s you effectively made it through one of the most difficult months of your life. And you know how? Jesus. Pure. Jesus. And from experience, if you invite Him in, He can radically transform your situation in a Romans 8:28 kind of way.

 

He’s the great redeemer who makes things completely new, including you.

 

My friend Jenn always says that He takes our broken pieces and re-works them into a stunning mosaic. And I like that very much.

 

Yet in the midst of the process and the pain, having your people surround you, spur you on, and become tangible reminders of God’s presence & love is INVALUABLE.

 

So how can you love your people practically when they’re going through the fire? Here’s 5 ways that have meant a lot to us:

 

 1. Show Up

Your friend or family member might not even know how to ask, but chances are, they need you right about now.

 

When we were in the thick of this messy hard place, a friend of mine text me and asked where we were. When I replied, “home,” they were at our door 15 min later. Now this wouldn’t be appropriate for everyone! But for this instance and this friend, it was perfect.

They were there in the hard. They didn’t require anything and only stayed a few minutes, but their presence reminded of us the invaluable lesson, You are not alone.

Can’t be there for your person in person?  #2 is for you.

 

 

2. Send Encouragement

Sometimes life does not allow you to physically be there for someone. You know what? Use what you’ve got.  Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to text or call your friend.  Utilize the power of good ol’ fashioned snail mail. It’s a beautiful lost art.

 

And you know what I’ve come to LOVE? Texting Voice Memo’s. One particular day when life felt pretty dark, a friend of mine sent me the most beautiful gift via voice memo. It was filled with heartfelt encouragement, genuine care, a verse she was praying for us and a couple of things that would make me laugh because #girlfriends.

 

It was the kind of thing you listen to again and again…and I did 🙂

 

Want one more way to encourage? Music!  My sister is said to have the, “Spiritual Gift of Playlist” and I would agree.  Making a playlist for someone is the 21st Century is the equivalent of a “mix-tape.”  Only not quite as awesome because you can’t rewind it with a pencil.

 

However, if you have Spotify, you can constantly update it with new songs and your person can have it with them at all times. So in this case, Spotify for the win. Here’s our worship playlist to get you started.

 

 

3. Don’t try to fix it

Allow me to set you free: You don’t have to fix it. Ughhhh, but you want to so bad right??? Well that’s because you’re wonderful. But sometimes we have to recognize that the only way out of pain is straight through.

“The only way out is through.”

 

And as much as you want to step in and change everything, you can’t and you shouldn’t. There are somethings that should be solely left up to God. But you know what you can do?

 

Be there. Show up. Listen well and validate. See point #1 🙂

 

 

 4. Meet a practical need

If you were your friend, what would totally bless you right now? Maybe a meal or a giftcard so they can get take-out or fill up their car with gas.  Could you offer to take one of their kiddos out for a fun afternoon? What about raking their leaves or shoveling their snow? Sometimes just having one less thing on their mind is a massive blessing.

 

 

5. Give them a break with a thoughtful gift

At the beginning of 2017, Chris and I had to say goodbye to our favorite buddy, Gunther the Wonder Dog. If you’ve lost a pet, you know how hard being home those first few days can be. You know what one of our friends did? They got us a movie gift card. What a timely gift when we were craving a much needed break from reality.

Is your person a coffee drinker? Starbucks let’s you email gift cards. And we all know nothing says, “I love you” and “you deserve a break,” like a pedicure. Just. Saying.

 

 

Next time when your loved one is going through it, instead of saying, “if there’s anything you need please don’t hesitate to ask,” because lets face it, asking is hard and most of us won’t.

 Instead, put yourself in their shoes. What would bless you in this situation? Now, get in their worlds and try to anticipate what they would want.

 

Walking through a trial is hard, but the load gets lighter when it’s shared by friends. Rest assured, no one is expecting you to be their Savior, they just need to know they’re not alone, that their life is not small, and there is bright hope for a future because we serve a loving Redeemer.

 

You are such an awesome friend and we’d love to hear your favorite way to show love and show up for your people.

 

 

Until next time,

Meg

 

Before you go, we’d love to offer you up some more practical hope, healing and humor each week. We PROMISE not to blow up your email, we just think you’re awesome and would LOVE to keep in touch! 
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