Have you ever noticed when you reach a certain age your parents start coming out of your mouth?
I’ll give you an example:
- ”When I was growing up…”
- ”Don’t you use that tone with me”
- ”Pretty is as pretty does” (read: this made zero sense to my 6-year-old self)
For me, something my mom instilled in my mind over and over was this:
“You never make yourself look bigger by making someone else look smaller.”
That one stuck with me as I saw people trying daily to defy it. It applies to bullies on the playground and mean girls and becomes painfully obvious in adulthood when you witness a person cutting someone else down with their words in order to feel better about themselves.
And as we all know, it does not work.
Something that stirs my heart, but am cautious to write about, is gender-roles and strengths, femininity and masculinity, and all the blurry blurry lines surrounding them in current culture.
I am a strong, independent 30-something who so believes in the dreams and vision and grit that God has placed in the heart of women. I champion them and cheer for them. I admire them and do my best not to compare myself to them. I listen intently to their stories and grab takeaways to apply to my own.
I also believe in the dreams, the vision, and the grit that God has placed inside the heart of men. I have some incredible men in my life. Men whom I esteem, respect, believe in, and fiercely guard with a sister-like loyalty.
And the beautiful thing is, I can do both simultaneously.
We can do both simultaneously because there’s no need to be threatened by each others wiring or success.
It’s another case where my mom’s words hold true.
“You never make yourself look bigger by making someone else look smaller.”
But my observation is that current culture is approaching the conversation differently.
I’m treading lightly because I don’t want my words to be misconstrued. I fully recognize there are deep wounds on both sides of this epidemic that need healing.
But I truly believe if both men & women, males & females, are going to walk in the fullness of who we’ve been created to be, then it’s time to start esteeming and valuing one another and what we each uniquely bring to the table. It’s time to believe that our words have power and allow each other to rise to the occasion through them instead of using them to bash and belittle because that pushes us further back than we realize.
We were created to co-exist together, not because we are inept without each other, but because we’re wired differently. And when we cherish and value those differences, we will go much further together than apart.
Women, we don’t have to compete with men. We have nothing to prove to them or ourselves. And when we feel as if we do, that’s a lack of security in our own identity. Also, I’d really rather be a woman….well, except for the fantasy I have about getting ready to leave the house in under 20 min, but that’s another story.
Men, we don’t need you to get in touch with your feminine side. You’re not feminine, but you are made in the image of God which makes you, like us, both strong and sensitive, tough and tender. And there’s nothing masculine or feminine about that, that’s simply because we’re children of a perfect King.
It’s heart-wrenching to me to watch unfold all of the pain our genders have caused each other over the years. The #metoo movement has brought so much darkness to light, but not because men are monsters and women have been victimized, but because there’s evil in this world and it will divide and pin us against each other if we let it.
But we don’t have to let it.
I long to see women walk in the fullness of who they are. Capable, Strong, Beautiful, Pioneering daughters of the King, able to do whatever lies before them. And I want to see Men walk in the fullness of who they are. Resilient, Passionate, Visionaries who go after what God has called them to do in meekness, love, and strength.
We can co-exist without demeaning and belittling. We can walk together without competition, because we’re equal, but not the same. We can value each other and go further together than we ever could apart not because we’re lacking or less than if we’re together, but because we don’t place our hope on each other. Our hope is secure in Jesus and we’re running the race on the same team.
If you’ve been wounded by the opposite sex. My heart weeps with you and I hope to wrap loving, truth-filled and healing words around you.
Our freedom in our genders and as a culture will not come from competing with one another or bashing one another, bullying one another or asserting power over one another. Our freedom will come when we recognize all the good the other brings to the table and elevate one another without fear that in doing so we will shrink ourselves.
Until Next Time,
Megan
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