6 Things We All Do that Damage Our Relationships: Part 4

The Hubs and I do a lot of writing in Coffee Shops. We love the community and for me, the atmosphere stimulates creativity. Unlike working from home when all of a sudden organizing my sock draw suddenly becomes of the most utmost importance.

One random Tuesday Chris was working hard on an upcoming message when someone he knew walked in.

“Pastor Chris!” they exchanged pleasantries and she went on.

“What are you doing? Are you busy? You look busy..”

“Yea, I’m working on a message for Sunday.”

“Oh OK cool, hey I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” she said simultaneously pulling up a chair and divulging her life for the next 45 min.

It’s a good thing we love people, otherwise ministry would be really hard. Lol

As it turns out, weighing heavy on this newlywed’s heart that Tuesday, was her marriage.  After a few extremely challenging months, she was nearing the end of her rope.

“If you could just give me one piece of advice, what would it be?”

Conjuring all his pastor-ly compassion he responded,” My one piece of advice? You can’t change another person, but you can work on yourself.”

Pause. “That’s so great,” she reached for her phone, “would you be willing to call my husband and tell him that?”

I think she missed the point.

The old adage that says the only person you can change is the one staring back at you in the mirror, IS. SO. TRUE. Especially in marriage.  Yet so many people enter into relationships “believing in each other.” TRANSLATION: My belief in them contains magical powers that will morph them into the person I know they can be.

Fast forward a few months and that proverbial bubble is as good as popped.

To anyone not yet married, be a good picker 😉  This 6 part audio series we created will help tremendously.  And Bonus: the first part is totally free! 😀

And for those of us in a relationship, our happiness can’t be contingent on the other person changing.

Changing other humans isn’t our job, we’re not the Holy Spirit. But you know who we ARE all responsible for:  Yo’ Self.

And as far as it depends on you, you can be a rock star of a significant other if you’ll choose too.  How do you do that?

2 Ways

1. Pray

Don’t ever buy the lie that you’re prayers aren’t making a difference in your family. You are not small or insignificant and neither are your prayers. If you follow Jesus then YOU, dear one, are a force to be reckoned with in the Spirit. Your prayers are vital to your family, your spouse, and your children.

Your prayers carry weight in the heavenlies and you have so much more authority and ability to set the spiritual tone of your home than you realize. If you’re believing God for something, maybe a breakthrough in your family, in your relationships, in your marriage…forge the way in prayer, instead of manipulation 😀 first.

2. Work on Yo’ Self (We just started watching Parks & Rec can you tell???)

I have a question for your No Small Life to ponder…“Would you want to be in a relationship with you?” Just as you are right now?  No matter what your answer to that question is, we all have room for growth. So how do we become a person that we’d want to be in a relationship with?

Well, there are 3 areas we’re going to zero in on today:

 1. Spirit:

Spend time with the Lord.  When we invest into this relationship first, it has a trickle down effect.  The more we’re in tune with the Spirit of God, the more the fruit of that relationship will be flowing in our lives.  I don’t know about you, but me on my own = Selfish. But when we believe and apply the truth of scripture, we can walk in love, peace, patience and gentleness…even if we don’t feel like it and it’s not our first instinct.  The Lord has such a loving way of filing off my rough edges.  Check out this post that Chris wrote on 4 keys to growing Spiritually for more specifics.

2.  Soul:

A couple of years into marriage, Chris and I found ourselves kind of coasting our way through, it was fine, but it wasn’t great.  And “fine” isn’t really the reason that any of us get married is it?  Through the course of events, I picked up a marriage book and it rocked me to my core.  Even though I’m sure both of us had areas we needed to grow in, God used that book to turn the spotlight on me-my words, my non-verbals, and the motivations of my heart.  It truly changed me. I started treating my husband better. And Chris took notice. Long story short, if you’re in a healthy relationship and you commit to grow as a spouse, 9 times out of 10, the other person is going to see that and be motivated to be better for you as well.  We’re going to be sharing some of our favorite marriage books soon, but in the meantime, check out these 3 podcasts that will rock your relationship. 

3. Body:

Ok, so here’s the deal-this is a no condemnation kind of post.  Aging is inevitable, none of us will look perpetually 18 years old.  But as far as it depends on us, we can take care of our bodies as a way of loving our spouse.

Looking for suggestions? Here are 6 ways you can actually make some fitness goals a reality.  We’ve also got lots of healthy recipes, but if I were you, I’d start with these Super Easy Veggies #myfavorite.  I don’t know about you, but when I  start feeling better about myself, I’m a much more pleasant person to live with.  Taking care of you in a healthy way isn’t selfish.  It’s the airplane analogy.  Sometimes you need to secure your own oxygen mask before you can attempt to help others.

All in all, what if we got so passionate about truly walking in love, being the best “us,” & representing Jesus well to the one person on earth we’ve committed to be the closest too?

Your actions can motivate if you will purpose NOT to manipulate.

Until next time,

Meg

PS. What’s one way you’re workin on Yo’ Self ? 🙂

Save