8 Things Every Wife Wants From Her Husband

When Megan and I first got married we had our fair share of issues. We knew each other well and dated for almost 5 years, but we soon found out that living together is a whole new ball game. WE were now the adults that had to not only take care of each other, but all the adults things.  Shockingly if WE didn’t mow the lawn, shovel the snow, pay the bills or cook the meals it wasn’t going to get done. What is UP with adulting.

We married young and this whole new wave of responsibility pummeled us like a ton of bricks. Not to mention that we started working full time in youth ministry the DAY we got back from our honeymoon. #grace

It took us about 5 minutes to realize that marriage was a lot more than romance and sex. We realized that if we weren’t intentional about noticing each other, something that comes SO easily when you’re dating, we would feel disconnected and slowly drift apart. Like most couples, we realized that if we wanted to have a healthy love that lasted a lifetime, we were going to have to invest into our marriage. We were going to have to grow.

Early in our marriage, we made a decision to educate ourselves on becoming better spouses for one another. And now 15 years in, we’ve read books, listened to podcasts, prayed a ton and have even become certified relationship coaches. But sometimes, you can have all of the education in the world and still not do the right thing when it counts.

Honestly, I think the most frustrating thing for me is knowing the right way to communicate and lovingly resolve conflict, but still not always doing it when it matters most. That’s why whether you’ve been married a few months or 35 years, we can use a little help in the relationship department.

A few months back I wrote a blog post called “5 Things Your Husband Wishes He Could Tell You.” This time around Meg’s revealing some things she believes wives wish their husbands knew. So guys, here is your chance to have some insider information that could help you have a stronger relationship. This insight into the mind of a woman could help your marriage go from merely surviving to thriving again. Without further adieu here are 8 nuggets of wisdom from my favorite person in the world, Megan Rea:

Hi guys! Meg here. Thanks for the amazing intro Mr. Rea. 😉                                         You all ready to jump in? Here we go…

1. Our biggest need is for Security

When us ladies get insecure about where we stand in our relationship with you, it effects everything.  You know when that crazy controlling version of us rises to the surface?  You can bet the root of that behavior lies in insecurity. So husbands, here’s what you can do:  

a. Forgive us, we don’t like that version of ourselves either. 

b. Be gentle with us

c. Calm our insecurities with the reassurance your love provides

When we’re secure in your love and feel like your priority, we feel like a whole new women. It’s the quickest way to see that girl you fell in love with again

2. We need to know you’re tuned in

We know you need downtime and we want to honor that. We also don’t want to feel like a nag or your mom. (LADIES: Check out this post for a big way to help that) We just need to know that you’re tuned in. We want you to be aware of us, what’s going on in our world and what’s going down on the homefront.  We love being your partner and when you’re tuned into what’s important to us, our relationship feels like a true partnership again.

3. We need to be reminded we’re loved.

You know that old joke? The one where the husband says to the wife, “ I told you I loved you when I married you and if anything changes I’ll let you know.” Yeah, we hate that joke.  Consistent little reminders of your love does wonders for our security.  (see #1)

We crave affection and romance.  It’s just the way we’re wired.

We know it can feel like you’re a broken record and like you say the same things over and over again. And to be honest, when you say it in the same way all the time, it can feel routine and easy to tune out.  Think of it this way, if sex was the EXACT same way every single time, it’d be easy for you to mentally and emotionally disengage too right? We do need to hear that we’re loved. But we need to hear it in new ways.  Take heart, God made us this way on purpose.  He knows how much a man is charged by the thrill of the hunt 😉 Need some extra help? Check out these 8 Marriage Books we highly recommend AND some more relationship posts.

4. We need to know we still capture your heart.

Culture screams at us constantly that we’re not enough unless we look like A, B or C. And to you, we want to feel irreplaceable.  We long for you to be captivated by us. And secretly we’re always hoping our presence will make you pause and take notice.  Even though our bodies may look different, inside we are still that little girl twirling in her fancy dress hoping to be seen.  And more importantly, we want to be seen and known by you! When we do, we’re on top of the world. When we don’t, our insecurities can draw us into to other places or people who will fill them. And SIDE NOTE: please don’t mistake our longing and wiring for desperation.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  We were made to be pursued and lucky for us, you were designed to be a pursuer.  😉

5. We need to know we’re still the girl you want to go on adventures with

In their book “Captivating,” John & Stasi Eldridge say that the a woman’s heart has three needs and one of those needs to is play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure.  Unfortunately, that’s why so many females turn to cheap substitutes like romance novels and 50 shades of crap. Yep, #iwentthere. But here’s the thing, we want to have fun with YOU!  (Which thankfully is one of your needs too ;)) We want to be your partner in crime. We have been hard wired for adventure. And we’re sorry when all of the real-life-grown-up responsibilities (ie laundry and jobs and meal planning) distract us from “us.” We really are fun! Sometimes, we just need a little adventure to remind us of that!

6. We need tenderness.

When we feel cherished by you, it makes us come alive.

We want to be your partner, best friend, biggest fan, and lover. We do not want to be your bro. We’re strong, but we’re also feminine and tender. We need gentleness not only in your touch, but also in your tone and your approach when you’re interacting with us. It will make us feel so valued and keeps our hearts soft too.

7. We need to know that we’re doing a good job

Insecurity plagues us like an epidemic. The pressure we feel on every side can at times feel enough to crush us and we doubt ourselves and our abilities. A lot.  But you can help by reminding us of one little thing: we’re enough for you, flaws and all. Most of us can recognize the lies and we fight them. But we’d love if you would help us fight them too. We know that confidence makes us feel unstoppable and it’s also a major source of attraction to you.  There’s a strength and a fierceness in femininity that you can call out through your affirmation in us. Your love, especially given in our primary love language, causes the best of us to rise to the surface.

8. We need to know that you believe in our dreams and back them

Inside of each of us, either close to the surface or buried deep, we know we’ve been wired to make a mark in this world.  It’ll look vastly different for each of us. But that doesn’t negate the fact that we can feel it in our bones. Our desire to use our gifts to make an impact is always there regardless of the season of life we find ourselves in.  Sometimes we hesitate to pursue it because we doubt ourselves, we lack a concrete plan, and we wonder if you, our families, our friendships and all of our other spinning plates will be neglected or drop completely.  We want to lean on your wisdom, rest in your security, and hear that confident nudge that you think we have what it takes to succeed and create something beautiful.

No matter where you’re at in your marriage today, you can choose to take steps closer together right now.  We care about you guys and much like T Swift, we think you can be together…

You needed to smile didn’t you? We sensed that.  We believe in your marriage and hope this post gave you some practical insight today.  We’d love to hear from all of you: in your experience what do you think a Women needs from her husband?

Until next time,

Chris & Megan

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