8 Books that Could Save your Marriage

When I entered into marriage at the extremely mature age of 20, I thought I knew all the things.  It took me about 3 weeks to realize that I did not.

Marriage is an incredible gift.  However one of the first gifts it bestowed upon my newlywed self, was opening my eyes to how truly selfish I was.  And not in an obnoxious, obvious sort of way mind you. But in a way that was, “normal;” completely socially acceptable when I was single and my life revolved around me.

However, something shocking happens when you invite another person into the intimate aspects of your everyday: if you’re not making a conscientious effort to consider them, it becomes blatantly obvious.

And the kicker is, unless someone tips you off to this “phenomenon,” you are caught completely off guard.  We do newlyweds a massive disservice when we don’t clue them into this and throw phrases at them like, “you’ll figure it out.” “Just keep loving each other.” “It’ll come naturally.”

Ponder this:  We’re required to go to school for 13 yrs just to function as a citizen.  Then we need anywhere from 2-10 yrs of schooling to obtain a degree to get a job that we will have for approx 40 yrs at 40/hours a week.  BUT, when we sign up for “til death do us part,” it’s 128 hrs/ week for hopefully a lot longer than 40 yrs and we think it should just come to us “naturally.”

You know what comes to me naturally?  Sel-fish-ness. My way. I come to me very naturally. And that notion will get you nowhere good in marriage, I promise you.

Great relationships are worth the effort of investing into.  No matter what stage of life or marriage you find yourself in, there is ALWAYS room for growth. And we are waaaaayy passionate about helping you with that, because we’ve seen what it’s done in our own relationship. (And it’s one of the reasons we became Relationship Coaches.)

So if you’re ready to own your part and invest into your relationship, here are 8 books that have shaped our marriage for the better.

Love & Respect *this post contains affiliate links

About 2 years into our marriage, we had the opportunity to attend a Love & Respect conference at our church.  It was eye opening to us. But what was even more enlightening was when Chris’ grandparents, married for over 50 years at the time, told us that THEY learned something and only wish that they had heard these truths sooner.  Grasping the concept of “The crazy cycle” alone, something they describe in the book in detail, is well worth the read.

For Women Only/For Men Only

We’ve talked about these books on instagram, in previous posts and countless relationship messages we’ve spoken.  These books impacted our marriages in profound ways!  With its content completely based on surveys of over 1000 members of the opposite sex, you will get the inside track to how your spouse thinks and is wired. These are ones we recommend constantly and personally go back to quite often.

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages

Same author, same concept, different book.  Shaunti Feldhahn conducts interview with couples that consider themselves “Highly Happy” and spills their secrets.

She found twelve powerful habits that the happiest marriages have in common. And a few of them will surprise you.

7 Things He’ll Never Tell you but you Need to Know

As if that title isn’t enough of a hook. 😉  If you’ve never read anything by Dr. Kevin Leman, he is refreshingly blunt and honest and I love him for it.  I have this one on Audiobook and re-listen to it often.  It’s very practical and is filled with personal stories and insight that you’ll be able to relate to. He talks very candidly about his own relationship and it just endears your heart right to them, which is good…because it will also kick your butt a little too 😉 He addresses the top needs of men (and ladies he hits on our top needs as well), but he doesn’t just leave you there. He also lays out practical everyday ways to meet those needs.

The Happy Wives Club

If your preferred genre of reading is more storytelling/memior vs. “self-help,” you’re going to love this book.  Here’s the premise: Fawn Weaver loves her marriage and her husband. Tired of all of the negative press that marriage gets, she started “The Happy Wives Club” with the goal to link arms with other women who were passionate about their marriages.  And this book is her worldwide search for the secrets of a great marriage.  She took a 6-month journey literally across the world,six continents-eighteen cities, in order to meet new friends and discover what makes their marriages great. The beautiful thing about this book is you truly are on the journey with her.  Her descriptive words draw you in as you explore the travel, the food, the culture, the customs and the insights of the incredible couples she seizes the opportunity to interview.  This book was an absolute pleasure to read and had me until the very last page.

Praying for your Husband from Head to Toe

You know you should pray for your husband, but often we don’t know why or how.  Well, this 2-part book breaks it down!  The first ½ is all about what your prayers accomplish-the power and the purpose of it.  The second ½ literally maps it all out for you in a 31-day guide. Each day you’re literally covering your husband from head to toe. She gives you a scripture and a prayer for each area of his life for every day of the month.  It may sound like a lot, but the reality is, praying through each day will take you about….7 minutes. Let that sink in.  7 minutes to invest spiritually into your husband every day. #worthit Trust me when I say this book would be such a practical tool in your hands when it comes to the area of covering your man in prayer.

Men are like Waffles. Women are like Spaghetti

I have shocking news for you. You are your spouse are….different. I know, try and contain your disbelief.  In this book Bill and Pam Farrel give you a food analogy that you’ll not soon forget.

The Farrel’s explain why a man is like a waffle (each element of his life is in a separate box) and a woman is like spaghetti (everything in her life touches everything else). This is a unique and fun look at the different ways men and women regard life, and the awesome thing is, these insights will be applicable to all of your platonic relationships as well. Bonus.

This book is so relateable. You’ll feel like someone took a peak into your relationship and is giving you direct insight.

The 5 Love Languages

If there was a hall of fame for relationships book, The 5 Love Languages would definitely make the cut.  If you haven’t read this book, if you’re thinking, “what’s a love language,” if you think you sort of understand the concept but have never actually read the book, then do yourself and your spouse a favor and add this to your cart immediately.  This book will not only help you identify the ways that you give and receive love, but it will give you practical ways to love your spouse in the way that’s most meaningful to them. Spoiler Alert: most partners speak completely different “languages,” so having this insight can be critical.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge! How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life? -Gary Chapman

Today, if you find yourself in a marriage that’s thriving, don’t take it for granted and continue to invest deeply into it.  If you find yourself in a marriage that’s “coasting,” take the next step to put effort into it.  And if you find yourself in a relationship that’s struggling, never underestimate the amount of change you can initiate when you yourself make a commitment to grow.  Your life and your relationship is not small.  You have every reason to have hopes of an incredible future together.  Make the effort, make the investment.  It’ll be worth it.

Until next time,

Meg

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