5 Tips To Have Better Sex With Your Spouse Tonight

God wants you to have amazing Sex.

And now I have your attention.  “God wants you to have amazing sex’” was the opening statement straight from my husband’s lips at our very first Pursuit of Love conference.

 

There’s a reason we did youth ministry for 13 years. Ain’t NOBODY falling asleep on Chris Rea’s watch.

 

It’s a sight to behold when you publically broach the subject of sex with teenagers.  The room becomes completely polarized into two camps. 1- fixated on your every word with googly-eyed anticipation. 2-doing everything-NOT-to-make-eye-contact with their pastors talking about sex.

If awkward moments are your thing, this is your Christmas.

 

Since becoming relationship coaches, we also do our fair share of pre-marital counseling.  Love.  On their final session, we discuss the couples physical relationship as husband and wife.  This is of course BEFORE they are married, so A. they are obviously all set and have it completely figured out or B. resembles a terrified deer in headlights.  This happens for a myriad of reasons, but either way somewhere between the wedding night and their 3 year anniversary, things have gotten a little stale. We get it and we coach people through this stuff!  It’s SO easy to get into a rut, isn’t it?

 

 

But here’s the truth, whether you’re standing on the precipice of your marriage or are 30 years in, God wants you to have amazing sex.  Why?

 

As a married couple, your sex-life is vital. The level of intimacy it can bring to your marriage sets that relationship apart from every other. The world will tell you that monogamy is a fast track to boredom, but guess what? They don’t make the rules. The one who created sex and marriage and bodies does.

 

HOWEVER, *spoiler alert* you won’t have a great sex-life on accident.

Much like you wouldn’t just drop a raw tomato into a skillet and expect a phenomenal marinara sauce to transpire, your sex life is going to require time, effort, and the right ingredients.

 

And in case you missed it, yes I DID just compare your sex-life to a pot of spaghetti sauce. I can pretty much guarantee you’ll never look at mostaccioli the same ever again.

You are welcome.

So is your spouse.

 

If your sex-life could use an upgrade, here’s 5 steps you can put into practice TODAY…and then just wait and see what happens tonight 😉

 

 

(SIDE NOTE: If there are some deeper issues you’re navigating that have led to you to this place, we would never want to minimize pain or come across as trite.  For more resources, check out this post on forgiveness, this post written just for husbands and this post written just for wives as a good place to start.)

 

 1. Be a planner:

 

Warning. This step doesn’t sound sexy. You may want to dismiss this step. You may think, “You are old and boring. Sex has to be spontaneous to be amazing!” And guess what? You would be wrong. Just think about the anticipation building over the course of a day. So Grab that planner I’m always singing the praises of and schedule sex with your spouse.

Because you know what’s NOT sexy? Not having sex because you didn’t plan it. And you got tired. And fell asleep watching House Hunters. Again.

 

2. Be a flirt:

 

You know that anticipation thing I just mentioned? It pretty much sets the stage for a continuous stream of flirtation throughout your day. Text each other. Have code words.  You know each other. How did you flirt when you first dated?  It’s so easy to get used to each other when you’re doing the serious business of building a life. Things like paying mortgages and sharing bathrooms can really hinder the “mysterious appeal” you once had.  But don’t let your fun and flirtation go by the wayside. It’s amazing how much even a little effort will increase the joy in your relationship. And guess what? We even made you a playlist. It’s like we can read your mind.

 

 3. Be Loving…BEFORE you have sex:

 

Dr. Kevin Lehman says, “Sex begins in the kitchen.” What did he mean? “Sexual intimacy is an expression of the care a couple shows each other in all areas of life-communicating, sharing thoughts and feelings, and even in helping out around the house.” Like Rachael Ray says, “nothing’s hotter than when you see your husband do the dishes.” Girls, let’s respect our guys so they feel like the man they want to be for you. Guys, make your wife feel cherished & be thoughtful of what’s on her mind before you want all the sex. 🙂 This will pay dividends.

 

4. Be Committed To Not Turning Each Other Down:

When your spouse gives you “the look,” and your first thought is “seriously?!”

Pause. Untwist your twisted eyebrows. Take a deep breath and remind yourself how much you love this person. How grateful you are to do life with them. Quick remind yourself of that really sweet thing they did last weekend. They’re not just another person wanting a piece of you-you don’t feel you have the energy to give. They want you. Email, dishes, Instagram stories and other “really important things” can wait. Turning each other down isn’t worth the potential hurt it can cause.

 

 5. Be in the moment:

 

There are approximately 534 things vying for your attention at any given time. But this isn’t the time for mental multi-tasking. Your spouse can read you. And when we’re not present it comes across like they’re not enough to keep our interest anymore.  I know you have that work thing and that family thing and your phone is buzzing and there is a pile of laundry giving you the stink eye. I get it. Choose to let it go. Give your spouse the gift of focused attention. All the other stuff will be there tomorrow, but you are the only one to show your spouse affection now.

 

Be a planner. Be a flirt. Be loving. Be committed. Be in the moment.

 

 

For a healthy dose of realism as we close out this post, not every time you come together is going to be all fireworks and romance.  And we all took a deep breath. None of us are writing a movie script. We’re writing the love story of our life. Let’s make it a good one. Because no matter where you are in your relationship, I think we can all admit with a little effort, it could be so much better.

 

Go live your love story and make it one worth celebrating.

 

Until next time,

Meg

 

Before you go, there’s more where this came from! If you’re looking for practical tips with hope and humor served up to you each week:  SUBSCRIBE HERE

 

Craving more marriage content?  Check out these 8 books, these tips just for husbands, these tips just for wives or you know, all the relationship posts in one spot! 🙂